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Life After Divorce - What Exactly Do People Mean When They Tell Me To Move On After My Divorce?

Posted on April 23, 2008 - Filed Under Home Based Business

Divorce shakes things up. I know many of you are thinking, “That’s an understatement!” You’ve probably already heard from countless people how it will be ok and that you just need to focus on “moving on.” While in theory that sounds like a good idea. What the heck does “moving on” mean? You know it’s something that you need to do, but what will it look like? I’d like to suggest 6 ways to know you’re headed in the right direction toward this holy grail of “moving on.”

1. No longer have strong emotions - Those intense feelings you felt during and shortly after the divorce should be waning. Your interest in your ex-spouse should be declining as well. You won’t feel the need to bad mouth or think negatively of him/her whenever their name comes up. You’ll find that it’s a lot easier for you to be civil with your ex-spouse when you need to be. And finally you no longer will be obsessed with knowing how or what they are doing. It just won’t seem as important anymore.

2. Looking forward instead of back - At this point you will no longer have any reconciliation fantasies. You’ve accepted that the marriage is over and there’s no going back on that decision. You’re starting to see your ex-spouse more as your children’s other parent rather than your ex-spouse because you’ve begun to feel more hopeful about your new life and what’s in store for you.

3. Financially stable - Now don’t confuse this one. I’m not suggesting that you need to be wealthy here! Divorce causes major changes in finances for both parties. These will have been handled and adjustments made so that things are stable again. You know what debts you have and have the means to keep those under control.

4. Have your own place - This can be a new home or the home you lived in when you were married. It’s just important that you have made it your own. It isn’t just a replica of what your married house looked like. I’m not meaning you have to go out and buy new furniture or remodel. It can be as simple as rearranging furniture, or slapping a new coat of paint on the wall. The point is that you’re not living in a museum of your previous life. Your home is now yours. It reflects you and you view it as a safe and comfortable spot.

5. Are comfortable with being single - When you first get divorced you may be really uncomfortable about doing things like going out to eat or to a movie alone. By this point you’ve gotten over worrying what other people think. In fact, you may have discovered you enjoy doing those things solo. You can now revel in time by yourself instead of needing constant companionship. A great way to know you’ve achieved this is when you aren’t constantly on the “prowl” to find a date because you don’t want to be alone.

6. Feel competent not overwhelmed - You’ve been able to surround yourself with good supports who encourage the new direction of your life. They no longer think of you as __________’s spouse. They like you for you. You’ve also been able to accept that you can handle this single parent thing and are actually pretty decent with it. You’ve developed new ways to connect with your kids and feel competent handling the parenting challenges that come your way. Finally, you are able to recognize that you have your own unique qualities that make you special. You don’t have to have someone else to share the spotlight with. You are interesting enough by yourself.

So…now that you know the steps of “moving on” where are your trouble spots? Which are the hardest for you? Now that you acknowledge that, what are you going to do about them? You can choose to be stuck or you can choose to “move on.”

I wish you the very best as you take that first or tenth step forward! I’d like to suggest you consider joining our Pre-Marital Article Archive as one of those important steps. You will have instant access to over 40 great articles on life after divorce, dating and remarriage preparation. To learn more, please go to http://www.RemarriageSuccess.com/prearticlesubscribe.htm today.

Does the idea of learning from other divorced and remarried parents sound appealing to you? Well, come on in to The Community then! We exist as a place where parents can ask questions and offer support to one another. Check us out at http://www.RemarriageCommunity.com

Finally, if you enjoyed this article, why not receive a few every Friday with our Tip of the Week? I encourage you to get all the details at http://www.RemarriageSuccess.com/tip.htm today.

By Alyssa Johnson at Remarriage Success.

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